The Ball of Kirriemuir
(aka Four and Twenty Virgins)

Four  and twenty virgins 
Came down from Inverness,
And when the party was over,
There were four and twenty less.
Singing, “Balls to your partner,
Ass against the wall.
If you’ve never been shagged 
On a Saturday night, 
You’ve never been shagged at all!

 

Balls to Mr Bengelstein, Bengelstein, Bengelstein.
Balls to Mr Bengelstein, 
Dirty old man.
For he kept us waiting
While he’s masturbating
Balls to Mr. Bengelstien
Dirty old man

Melody - Swing Low, Sweet Chariot)
Note: gestures accompany words

I looked over Jordan and what did I see,
Coming for to carry me home,
A band of angels coming after me,
Coming for to carry me home.

CHORUS:
Swing low, sweet chariot,
Coming for to carry me home,
Swing low, sweet chariot,
Coming for to carry me home.

I'm sometimes up and sometimes down,
Comin' for to carry me home,
But still my soul feels heavenly bound.
Comin' for to carry me home.

If you get there before I do,
Coming for to carry me home,
Tell all my friends that I'm coming too,
Coming for to carry me home.


(repeat with variations: humming and motions only,
silence and motions only, double-time)

Oh, the eagles they fly high in Mobile
Oh, the eagles they fly high in Mobile
Oh, the eagles they fly high 
And they shit right in your eye
It’s a good job cows don’t fly in Mobile 
In Mobile, in Mobile, in Mobile, in Mobile
Oh the eagles they fly high
And they shit right in your eye
It’s a good job cows don’t fly in Mobile.

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